Depression is One Hell of a Drug (Imbalance)

from Bad Habits by Fire Ant Season

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about

i originally wanted to name this track 'depression is one hell of a chemical imbalance (in your brain)', but thought that would be too wordy. my intention is that the chemicals that should normally be present in your brain aren't at the right levels, like that of a neurotypical person

lyrics

I don't wanna leave my room, don't wanna have to talk to my roommate. No, I don't wanna speak to him, just wanna get what I need and then leave it to pile up in my room, with the dirty laundry and dishes and the mold that'll multiply will outnumber all the growth I've had in my whole life. But it's not that I have ill will towards him or anyone that I'm greetin', I just have a propensity for small talk and the desire for leavin'. Any interpersonal interaction that I'll find myself engaged at, a timer starts tickin' in my head; a countdown to having a panic attack.

I really wanna change my ways and develop myself and be flourishing, but I'm afraid for any change of any personal growth that's required of me. There's a comfort in remaining dormant where the path is least resistant. If I could only overcome that persistent feeling of stagnating. My brand of procrastination is one defined by overthinking to the point where nothing ever gets done and the smallest task is overwhelming. But just because I've acted this way for as long as I can remember, that doesn't mean I have to keep up with this dialogue of character.

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from Bad Habits, released March 3, 2022

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