1. |
Get a Life
02:32
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Why do I even give a shit in bothering to wake up? To perpetuate this cycle in this thing we call survival in which we all conduct and why do I even brush my teeth after every goddamned meal? Unlike me, that normal flora has a purpose and from it I so wrongfully steal. But with my Colgate© smile and my illusion of not fucking up, I'll act like I have my shit together as I internally combust.
And why even bother dressing nice to attract other people to me? My form of socializing is the one where I'm disguising every idiosyncrasy to the point where I am no one, just another carbon copy. I'll fake a smile and act like I'm worthwhile in this transient memory. Though I'm sure I'm living up to all of my parents' expectations, I'm filling my life with so much emptiness that I'm a walking exaggeration.
Get a job, yeah and find some love, yeah, continue on, yeah, continue on. Buy a house, yeah and get some kids yeah and make it seem like you're still living. Go on vacation and do some renovations and make your boss ecstatic and happy. Get a life, yeah, get a life, yeah, get a life, yeah, just get a life yeah. Get a life, yeah, get a life, yeah, get a life, yeah, just get a life, yeah.
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2. |
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I don't wanna leave my room, don't wanna have to talk to my roommate. No, I don't wanna speak to him, just wanna get what I need and then leave it to pile up in my room, with the dirty laundry and dishes and the mold that'll multiply will outnumber all the growth I've had in my whole life. But it's not that I have ill will towards him or anyone that I'm greetin', I just have a propensity for small talk and the desire for leavin'. Any interpersonal interaction that I'll find myself engaged at, a timer starts tickin' in my head; a countdown to having a panic attack.
I really wanna change my ways and develop myself and be flourishing, but I'm afraid for any change of any personal growth that's required of me. There's a comfort in remaining dormant where the path is least resistant. If I could only overcome that persistent feeling of stagnating. My brand of procrastination is one defined by overthinking to the point where nothing ever gets done and the smallest task is overwhelming. But just because I've acted this way for as long as I can remember, that doesn't mean I have to keep up with this dialogue of character.
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3. |
Privilege Blues
02:28
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Please pardon my mess as I verbally shit on each and every one of you, I empty my bowels by using consonants and vowels and yet some stay the whole set through. We've all got problems, we've all got issues and who am I to complain? I hold no reservations to extrapolate the reasons why I feel like shit today. And so that doesn't excuse for me singin' the blues when I don't really have it that rough. I seem to confuse that my own self-abuse is just a way of being self-conscious. It's a tired topic, as trite as always, but I can't seem to get away from self-deprecation, but who am I kidding, I don't have much else to say.
I always confide with this thought in my mind that it's a weakness to ask for help and I am so keen to partaking in judging when I see it done by someone else. How could anybody with a fragment of self-worth expose themself so vulnerably? Then again, that's coming from the boy who stopped emotionally maturing at the age of just 13. And so now I've demonstrated in how this is all related by a lack of communication, but does the shit-talking surplus that I'll think on others' progress count as valid conversation? I guarantee that all these problems would cease and my life would turn around if I could only practice the trials and tribulations of calming the fuck down.
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4. |
D.I.D. I Do That?
02:52
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I'll tell myself to hurry up and finish everything at once, but instead all I'll do is exhaust myself and so I'll sit around not doing anything with that time I crave so desperately, I need to stop psyching myself out. And I really hate the fact that I'm unable to adapt and my only reigning thought is how everything's my fault. I wanna try to overcome these feelings of dissociation, I wanna try to get better at not taking every word as an attack, but it gets to the point where I'm no longer in control and it gets to the point of being inescapable and
I don't have very much longer to get my shit together, no I don't have very much longer to get my shit together, no I don't have very much longer to get my shit together, no I don't have very much longer to get my shit together, oh.
When my only pastime is getting angry at coworkers in my head or sitting on the toilet for extended durations and I know that old adage, the rhyme, where the boss makes a dollar and I, a dime, but therein lies the caveat; that I'm still the one sitting on the pot. And at the end of each and every day, I'll try to manifest a new personality to distract me from my disposition and just act like those traumas never happened and the only self-care I enact to prevent me from having a heart-attack is a textbook dissociation that acts as a form of self-preservation
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5. |
Anhedonia
03:55
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Anhedonia, I sure have known ya and everything that you entail, like unbrushed teeth for the rest of the week and a breath that's saying I'm unwell. You manifest as a side effect like a raspy voice from bronchitis or a mole that's right before the tumor starts to metastasize. Apprehension, I know you're wishin' that I could just make up my mind. Half-hearted drive and failure to thrive is where I seem to spend all of my time. A shaky voice is the only noise on the important things where I have a choice, I'd like to think my words are important, what I have to say is right.
Ipseity, you're no friend to me because I hardly know just who you are. Aggravation and assimilation to a new mindset is my safe-guard. I'll dispel every parallel, fragmented truth of what is myself 'til the only thing that's left is something I'm certain is not me. Obsolescence, you're omnipresent in every second of my time. I suspect that my relevance is as pertinent as a half-life, though it makes a lotta sense when you are not a proponent of the things you do; I try to fight this fact by using a lot of big, smart words.
The thing I hate the most about growing old, is that I'll turn a benign thing perverted in my skull. I want that innocence and purity in thought to see the world through some eyes that aren't so fucked up.
I'll sacrifice my comfort and my dignity so that I don't have to make others uncomfortable around me, cause I like others more than I like myself and while that may sound altruistic, it's my personal hell. I'll try to get along with everyone that I see and through that process I'll expend all of my energy, but when it comes to me and making good internally, I'm a self-saboteur, yeah, my worst enemy.
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Fire Ant Season Texas
half-hearted melodies and full-hearted tragedies
Fire Ant Season recommends:
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great music to dumpster dive to
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Romance Conflict Adventure
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BFF 4 EVER AND EVER
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Destroy What Destroys You
by Ludlow
our bestest of pals ( ˘ ³˘)♥
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“it feels like survival just isn’t enough, is it?” i love this whole album so much <3
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Specializing in bright, sunny "bedroom rock español," this Brooklyn singer-songwriter puts a unique spin on lo-fi music.
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