Anhedonia

from Bad Habits by Fire Ant Season

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about

We promise that we didn't intentionally rip off the title of this song from Joe Bartel's album by the same name, which you can find here and listen to, because it is a great work of music:

joebartel.bandcamp.com/album/anhedonia

lyrics

Anhedonia, I sure have known ya and everything that you entail, like unbrushed teeth for the rest of the week and a breath that's saying I'm unwell. You manifest as a side effect like a raspy voice from bronchitis or a mole that's right before the tumor starts to metastasize. Apprehension, I know you're wishin' that I could just make up my mind. Half-hearted drive and failure to thrive is where I seem to spend all of my time. A shaky voice is the only noise on the important things where I have a choice, I'd like to think my words are important, what I have to say is right.

Ipseity, you're no friend to me because I hardly know just who you are. Aggravation and assimilation to a new mindset is my safe-guard. I'll dispel every parallel, fragmented truth of what is myself 'til the only thing that's left is something I'm certain is not me. Obsolescence, you're omnipresent in every second of my time. I suspect that my relevance is as pertinent as a half-life, though it makes a lotta sense when you are not a proponent of the things you do; I try to fight this fact by using a lot of big, smart words.

The thing I hate the most about growing old, is that I'll turn a benign thing perverted in my skull. I want that innocence and purity in thought to see the world through some eyes that aren't so fucked up.

I'll sacrifice my comfort and my dignity so that I don't have to make others uncomfortable around me, cause I like others more than I like myself and while that may sound altruistic, it's my personal hell. I'll try to get along with everyone that I see and through that process I'll expend all of my energy, but when it comes to me and making good internally, I'm a self-saboteur, yeah, my worst enemy.

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from Bad Habits, released March 3, 2022

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